april 5, 2010
an hour every morning. and a list.
1. start blog
2. work on book for respectable length of time
3. finish lorca essays
4. do dishes, put away laundry, groceries & make respectable dinner
5. go to gym
6. book hotel
7. call J.
8. write a reading list for the month
9. work on poem for R.'s project

I feel especially stupid today, but I'm hoping to shake it. I can't be nearly as stupid as I feel or someone would have pointed it out to me by now. Some of my friends are quite smart. I'm sure they wouldn't have anything to do with me if I were as imbecilic as I felt. (God, I would have spelled 'imbecilic' wrong if it were not for spellcheck. That's not good.) I've developed some bad daily routines that are too embarrassing to mention here but I'm resolved to get back on track, the blog being a way to gauge my progress, like the way I used to keep a record of my weight on the fridge. It's easier to stick to goals when people are watching. And you are watching, aren't you, people?

I feel like I'm losing my ability to introspect. It's too easy to escape, and I'm not miserable enough to wallow. It's dangerous being comfortable, and it's dangerously easy to be comfortable. I'm not quite sure how to rectify this. How does one push oneself to the edge without actually endangering life itself? Because I can't very well rent motorcycles in foreign countries every day of the year.

If I were another person, I would never read this blog. Maybe I'll keep this about actual events until I have something worthy of introspection.

Today is Monday and it's raining and I've hauled my ass out of bed at 8am and now I'm going to prepare some oatmeal and then I'm going to write my vampire novel even though it's complete shite. I'm listening to Bon Iver which I didn't like at all a year ago, but it now suits me just fine. I've always thought the state of one's living space reflects one's state of your mind. My fridge is bare, my clean laundry is all over the floor and the bathroom has gone dropped to some new level of biohazard. At least the laundry is clean; I haven't hit rock bottom yet.

Maybe I'll just move onto that book list:
For April:
Origin of Species

Not much of a list, I'll admit. I'll add onto it later.

Signing out. See you tomorrow.